Mixed Signals

I wonder what it looks like to you… My behavior, when you're around. How noticeable is it? Do you already know everything, the whole extent of it? You always seem so empathetic, I find it hard to believe you don't at least have the idea of it. When our eyes meet from across the room, do you feel that I look away because I'm afraid I'm just going to keep falling in? And when I look again… and your eyes are still there, and they lock again, do you know it's because I can't help myself? Do you wonder, as I have been, if we both looked away for similar enough reasons, but were both drawn back again? Or were you looking the whole time?

Do you know, that if we were both free to pursue love as we see fit, that I would be at your door this instant? Yeah, I know it's too early in the morning. I'll bet you're still sleeping, those eyes closed but still beautiful…. I'm patient but I'm not getting any younger.

Or are you confused by my behavior? Am I hot then cold? I don't mean to be. Truth is that I am always hot. But this situation…… Sometimes I'm just protecting myself. Sometimes I'm trying to protect you, from me. If I could, I would be blasting my love in your direction constantly, a furnace with an infinite supply of fuel. The only reason I don't… Well. You know the reason.

So, I guess this is an apology. If my signals are mixed, I'm sorry. In a simpler time, in a simpler life, there would be no ambiguity. But that isn't the universe we inhabit, sadly. Perhaps one day it will be. We'll see. Until then, know that if I look away from your eyes, it's not because I want to…

No.

In truth diving into those eyes forever is all I ever want to do anymore………